my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nutella sex= disaster
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
