butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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