Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
