party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
