I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Shame - the story of my life.
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