so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
