Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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