Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
