The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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