I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize