I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
