4 words: hood of his car
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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