no, he came in my armpit
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
