Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
