We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
