No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
