Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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