I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
