respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just cropdusted the office
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
