were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
