Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
