Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
