Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
