i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize