Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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