"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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