So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
