I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
