guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
