i just wanna soil my oats bro
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pants are for mortals
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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