She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
