Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
