I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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