He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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