ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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