Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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