Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
