Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
