I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
