I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I AM VODKA MAN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
