umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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