I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
