Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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