I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
