what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
