If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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