I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
