I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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