Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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