I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
