i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
