If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
