I heard we made out
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize