Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
