If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
