I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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