I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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