shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
