Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize