piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
