But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
