I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
