I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
