Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
