the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
