Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
operation have a gay friend backfired
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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